"I am a borderliner" is a common saying of those affected. If I do not know who I am, then it's still better to be a “borderliner” than anything that is unthinkable. This attitude can be understood in the light of fundamental uncertainty of one's own identity.
For example, no person would say "I am a diabetician" in order to identify himself, because the disease is perceived as a clearly defined illness by both the person concerned and the environment and is not seen as part of the person’s identity. This is different in the so-called personality disorders.
And the entire behavior of persons with this syndrome is often attributed to the borderline diagnosis by friends and relatives. It is often difficult for those concerned to assess which behavior they show is "normal", and which has something to do with borderline problem. Everything is quickly and easily interpreted as and attributed to borderline behavior.
This problem also arises because borderline experiences have a lot to do with a person's personality. Borderline is not a phase-shifting disorder that clearly distinguishes between healthy and diseased phases. Rather, borderline symptoms go through a person's everyday life. Nevertheless, most of the behavior and experience of borderline sufferers is believed to be quite normal. Borderline behaviors also occur in, let’s say, "Healthy" people. Borderline experiences are actually over exaggerated, sometimes dangerously strengthened, but not fundamentally different from the same experiences that “non-borderliners” have. It is actually about exaggeration, and the clear exaggeration of certain experiences can then be understood as borderline experience.
Even those who show borderline traits behave perfectly "normal" in most situations of everyday life. About 80 percent of the behavior and experiences of borderline sufferers are completely normal. Only about 20 percent are so strong that they can be considered as “borderline”. However, the ratio is often reversed by professionals and subsequently by those affected. The greatest part of the behavior and experience is interpreted as a borderline and therefore as an abnormal or “sick”, only a small part is understood as normal.
Of course, it is important to recognize the borderline-type behaviors, but it is just as important not to look at yourself and others through the "borderline glasses". If a borderline victim comes into conflict with another person, then many jump to the conclusion: "That’s typically Boderline!" This leads to the automatic shifting of responsibility to the person with BPD syndrome, without taking into account that all people sometimes get into conflict with. The dispute can have something to do with the borderline problem, but not necessarily. If you or anybody else looks deeper, almost every behavior can be interpreted as “borderline” if viewed only through “borderline glasses”. This means that the perception of the experts, the person affected and their surroundings changes suddenly as soon as the person with borderline diagnosis is in the room.
Particularly problematic is the looking through "borderline glasses", when the affected people manage to overcome this problem, because if the experts, relatives and friends of the affected person do not succeed to “take off” these “glasses”, then many behaviors continue to be interpreted as borderline, even though if they are actually no longer “borderline”. However, it is often difficult to take off the “glasses”, because they have persisted for so many years. Professional advice and support are needed in order to get rid of the “Borderline label”. Certain behavior patterns which served as coping strategies with very strong symptoms can be difficult to get rid of, thus making it difficult for borderline patients to disentangle themselves from borderline net. Those who are on the way of regaining health have also confessed that they tend to avoid all behavior patterns that could be interpreted as borderline. Former BPD patients dare not show even reasonable anger, because they fear being labeled as "Typical Borderline!" again. This in turn leads to uncertainty about which behavior is now actually considered as "normal". Discarding “borderline glasses” can therefore only be successful if done together with professionals, relatives and persons affected.
(translated from German)