Life and pain go hand in hand. Pain is a way to our personal wisdom and our inner strength, however painful this sounded. But until we reach this inner wisdom, we change a lot; you probably know the feeling after you’ve suffered a lot of pain – you know that you’re not the same person you used to be.
We still love, but with our guards up high, not as trusting and innocent as we once were. We’re become cautious as we don’t want to get rejected and certainly not to repeat the same mistakes again. We may even hurt other people’s feelings (unconsciously) to save our own and we live years without telling someone how we really feel because we know they don’t feel the same way and won’t be able to understand. And we’re too tired of explaining ourselves.
We love, but how do we love? We begin to love cautiously, when we feel it is safe to love.
We cherish hopes. But there are also fears; we think of how things can go wrong, how good things will be short-lived, how things will not go the way we want them to because that’s easier to handle, it’s easier to deal with bad outcomes when you expected them. We live, but we don’t completely give in to happiness, because we don’t believe that good things will last, we think that life will somehow take it all back.
We rarely give life a chance to surprise us because we don’t want to be disappointed again. We try to predict that life will let us down so when it does, we won’t be broken.
We still dream. But we don’t dream too big and we don’t try to chase our dreams because we don’t want to lose again, we don’t want to fail, and we don’t want others to fail us. We dream about what we know we can attain, we don’t look up, we don’t look too far away and we don’t believe in miracles. We dream, but hardly follow our dreams, we don’t think they’ll happen to us, we don’t think that kind of happiness will happen to us, because we’re used to pain.
We stopped believing in miracles ever since our dreams became nightmares.
Pain changes people; mostly for the better, but when people suffer, they try to do everything they can to avoid it, they don’t want their hearts broken to pieces again, they don’t want the return of depressive and gloomy days again, and they definitely don’t want to feel weak again.
But when we try to avoid pain, we sometimes avoid pleasure. When we try to avoid pain, we avoid taking risks that could change our lives, when we try to avoid pain, we avoid loving and being loved in return.
Yes, pain is a way to wisdom, but you cannot deny: sometimes you wish pain didn’t change you, you wish pain didn’t go so deeply to you so you can love, live, hope and dream like you used to. You want to believe in happiness and miracles again.
Sometimes you wish you could have changed pain instead of pain changing you.